Diana Leaney López Ruano

Whilst discussing things with my friend who recently moved to California she stated,   "I don't miss Utah ,  I miss the people in Utah."   That is what makes home a home ,  the people.  If I could have brought my family and close friends to ZhuZhou,  I wouldn't have much of a reason to return to Utah,  except maybe the sunsets. :)  I know what it is like to leave home.  I know what it is like to open the door to an empty apartment and silence.  I know what it is like to miss people,  to miss the companionship of someone that loves you and you love them.  That has been my favorite part about being able to walk into my mother's home these past few months;  opening the door and falling to the ground in an overly dramatic death scene because Bryan just shot me down with a fake weapon,  or Bella telling me that she missed me,  or Steven just walking by and giving me a one-armed hug with food in the other hand befor...

Today I am so thankful .  I am so thankful for today! I am thankful for friends that care enough to actually care.  I am thankful for phone calls and hugs.  I am thankful for words of comfort and the fact that so many people have faith in me,  hoping that I will do my best as a missionary. I can be a great missionary.  I will  be a dedicated missionary.  I just have to get there.  I have to get to the point where I am physically in  the MTC because right now it is hard.  Daily,  new things pop up.  New challenges appear and old challenges come back to hang out together again. To survive these next nineteen days will be a challenge,  yet I have to have faith that it will all be okay.  I should be freaking out,  it is SO CLOSE,  the moment when I will leave my family and friends for a year and a half.  Oh my goodness.  OH MY GOODNESS. 19 DAYS Its intense and intimidating and nail-bit...

I had been updating my  Mormon Profile  this morning and was thinking about how different things can be in just a years time.  This was written before I turned 21 in China:   About Me I'm just another 20 year old who is just trying to find my place in this world. I work, learn, play, and grow.  I may be searching for where I am going,  but I do know where I have been, and I know who I am.  My name is Diana Linay Lopez Ruano. I'm half Mexican and half Guatemalan, born and raised in Salt Lake City, Utah. I'm the second of 8 siblings and yes, I am a "Mormon", a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Family. Friends. Religion. These I treasure above all else, even more so now that I am away from home. Very far as I am currently an English Teacher in ZhuZhou City, Hunan Province, China. A land where people smoke next to me in the elevator and stare at me because I'm a Wàiguó rén, a foreigner. A place where I'm almost alone ...

Can't necessarily say that I like my Father.  Bit sad,  but true.  Years of arguments and broken promises have led to empty conversations and uncomfortable silences.  The only time that I actually missed  my father while in China was when I wanted a priesthood blessing. I needed one.  I needed the reassurance from Heavenly Father that can only come through the direct line of authority each priesthood holder has.  I missed it.  So much. Oh,  to have the priesthood in my life...  I would have given anything .  I missed white shirts and ties.  I missed taking the sacrament.  I missed having the priesthood in my home and the blessings that come with one that holds the power of God here on earth. Power.  I see my friends now,  worthy priesthood holders that are an example to all.  How easy it is here in Utah to see the famous 'garment line' and know,  just know that the particular individual i...

Irina and I are quite different.  Every decision we make,  every thought we have,  every outfit we put together,  is sure to be the polar opposite than that of the other's.  Growing up with my older sister as my twin for 12 years,  I discovered that there are different kinds of people and there is nothing wrong with that.  For example,  numbers are not for me.  I hate numbers,  with a passion.  Anything to do with formulas and calculators and graphs and ewwwwwwww.  Memorizing?  Gross.  Chemistry?  Forget it.  For a long time,  I thought this made me dumb.  I thought,  "I can't spell out words off the top of my head like Tita can,  she is so much smarter than I am." I struggled with the fact that I was the "dumb sister".  Of course I had good grades,  but how was it possible that she could enjoy learning about molecules and bacteria when all I could do was stare out of the win...

Dear Heavenly Father, We've been through a lot,  you and I.  Before I came to this earth we discussed your plan and we found it to be good.  I came here and forgot just how wonderful that plan is.  Slowly,  you've been reminding me.  You've been teaching me.  You've been giving me all of the tools I need to progress and I am grateful.   I am thankful Heavenly Father for the mercy you show me every day.  Thank you for giving me the trials I need to make myself strong.  You know better than anyone just how weak I am.  Just how powerless I feel at times and just how wrong I can be day to day.   Father.  I need you now more than ever.  I need help becoming the woman,  the missionary,  the daughter,  the sister,  the leader you know I can be.  Who is she?  Who will I become?  It is all up to me,  but with your help Heavenly Father,  I know I can help your kingdom...

Isn't it funny how you try to do good,  and then fail?   Isn't it funny how you think you're making the right decisions,  but you're wrong?   Isn't it funny how you believe you're a superhero,  saving the world one kitty cat stuck in a tree at a time,  and then after spraining your ankle,  you realize that you're only human?   Life has a way of humbling us.  Showing us that we are part of a grander plan and that we need to work harder for what it is that we know to be good.  Figuring out what it is that is the best 'good' and putting all of our time and effort into those things.  It is all about balance. I can't say I'm the most organized person.  I tend to forget things quite easily.  I lose some things and don't understand many others.  I try to do everything myself and want to do everything I want to do.  I have the capacity to do it all-  I am Superwoman.  Or so I think. I try to run arou...

I remember my twelve year old self in a temple recommend interview with my Branch President at the time,  answering questions and being nervous as anything.  I remember entering the Jordan River Temple and trying to follow the instructions given so that people didn't notice that it was my first time!  I remember the complete happiness I felt there.  The peace of knowing that I was finally inside Heavenly Father's home and that it really was the most special place on earth.  All dressed in white.  All Heavenly Father's children.  All loved and all standing in the most holy place I had ever entered. Ohh the temple. During my time in China I stood alone in my beliefs.  It was the most difficult thing I had to do.  I was constantly working on staying clean,  keeping myself steeled against the appealing lures of the world.  Even though the closest temple to me was in Hong Kong,  I knew it was the most important thing to k...

I was sixteen when I graduated High School.  I remember being a part of the Seminary Council and planning out my life after graduation.  I was going to finish my BA in the years I had before turning 21 and then go on a full time mission.  I was going to change the world.  I was going to be successful and my life was going to work out just as I had planned. WRONG. My world fell apart.  I had to work full time and go to school part time.  In the four years it took me to get my Associates Degree,  I could have received my BA and right now be working on some masters program.  I finally finished my Associates degree and I wasn't proud of it.  I felt that I had failed my sixteen-year-old self.  She knew what she wanted,  she had it all planned out and me?  Well,  I was confused to say the least. I was twenty and still had a year to go before I was old enough to serve a mission.  I enrolled at the U, ...

I often find myself in a social environment wondering,  "Why do the Chinese always look bored ?"  Sitting around a table,  not talking,  they have their phones out or are playing the dice game,  always looking over their shoulder at others or just... sitting. Whatever happened to conversations?  I'm sure its not just the chinese,  technology has stunted our abilities to have face to face conversations with real humans.  Yet I am amazed at how awkward the younger generations are around each other here.  I've asked a few people about it and have come to find that its just different.   A few of my Chinese friends have tried to explain to me how it works.  You see,  if a Chinese boy wants to talk to a Chinese girl,  he goes to one of her group outings with her friends.  KTV for example,  there they can interact in a social group.  Or if he is brave,  he will go up to her and say something...

Time.  Time passes and you find yourself in a different situation with each blink of an eye. Years.  Years have gone by since I had my 'plan'.  Back when I thought I knew how my life was going to pan out.  Back when I thought I knew it all. Space.  Space grows.  Space grows between old friendships.  Space spreads far and wide and sooner than not you find yourself on the other side of the world,  away from your loved ones,  away from everything you knew. My father has this Brazilian girlfriend,  I guess he found her on the internet or something.  He plans on marrying this woman,  I wonder how well their Portuguese-Spanish conversations go.  I wonder if she understands who that man is.  Maybe that's why he flew down to visit her instead of buying Christmas presents.  Maybe she's the reason why he refuses to help me when I tell him I owe the IRS $800 plus,  when I asked for help to go visit my sister wh...

Forgive me and my yearning heart. Forgive me and my burning emptiness.   Forgive me for having this song on repeat Once, Falling Slowly since I arrived at work today at noon.   Let me play it one more time.   Forgive me for I'm emotionally unstable today and may just flirt with a stranger shamelessly.   In order to show that I am independent and need no one.   That I am strong.  That I am happy.   That we were nothing.   That I do not miss you.   Forgive me,  love,  because I miss you more today than any day before.   I miss your hat,  your accent,  your smell.   I wish you were here as I spin around my room.   In that careless way you loved to watch.   Shining that glow of letting go and then taking your hand to pull me back to earth.   I wish you were here as I don my stilettos because I can't reach the sky without a few extra inch...

I stood alone for a long time.  Alone in my beliefs and alone in my culture.  I stood,  stumbled,  tripped,  and with my Heavenly Father's help got back up again.  I discovered that  I could not actually stand alone.   It is difficult to be the only sober person in a room,  just like it is difficult to be the only Obama supporter in a room full of white republicans.  Standing alone is next to impossible.  That's where Heavenly Father comes in. During my time in China I missed home.  I missed the feeling of being home.  I missed feeling like I belonged somewhere.  I missed being with people that were similar to me and understood me when I switched to Spanish in order to be able to express myself completely.  I missed La Region Hispana. Belonging to this group is what got me through college and has helped shape me into who I am today.  Serving my brothers and sisters in my respective callings helped me di...