No one is a genius at NOTHING.
Irina and I are quite different. Every decision we make, every thought we have, every outfit we put together, is sure to be the polar opposite than that of the other's. Growing up with my older sister as my twin for 12 years, I discovered that there are different kinds of people and there is nothing wrong with that. For example, numbers are not for me. I hate numbers, with a passion. Anything to do with formulas and calculators and graphs and ewwwwwwww. Memorizing? Gross. Chemistry? Forget it. For a long time, I thought this made me dumb. I thought, "I can't spell out words off the top of my head like Tita can, she is so much smarter than I am."
I struggled with the fact that I was the "dumb sister". Of course I had good grades, but how was it possible that she could enjoy learning about molecules and bacteria when all I could do was stare out of the window and doodle in my notebook? It didn't make sense. Did it make me slow, knowing that I would rather be in my pottery class, carving patterns into a bowl, than Introduction to Statistics? (I shudder at the thought.)
I skip to places because it gets me there faster than walking.
I stare at the wonder of the heavens every morning and evening because stars and clouds mesmerize me.
I wear flower patterns when I'm happy and black when I'm sad. Apples on good days, and Jamba Juice on the bad.
I sing opera songs when I wash the dishes. And I like it.
It was after the fact that I accepted my preferences of people to solidarity, fantasy to history, adventures to structure, that I finally accepted that I wouldn't be a veterinarian because seeing sad animals wrenched my very being to the point of tears and chocolate. I recognized that I didn't have my 10-year plan set out like Irina did, but I could try to figure things out along the way. At that moment, "figure it out" just had to be enough.
It was the moment that I discovered words that changed me. Carrying around a notebook wherever I went- just in case a thought came to mind that I had to write. Using my hands to write out the words, I expanded the lines into pictures. My pictures became images and feelings and those feelings came out in song. My feet heard the music and wanted to dance along.
It was beautiful. It is beautiful, the fact that Heavenly Father has given us the ability to be whatever it is that we want to be. I can be a mother if I CHOOSE to be. I can be a fighter and stand in SOLIDARITY. I can be a leader and SERVE those around me. I can be a lover, a sister, a worker, a friend. I can be it all, I can be nothing, it all depends on my goal at the end.
I'll stand today with my arms extended up high, striving to be my everything, and knowing that I am absolutely nothing without Him. He who carried his cross for me. He who lived his life perfectly. He who chuckles at my silly mistakes and forgives and forgets, just for my sake. He, my Savior, my very best friend. He knows my incompetence and yet to me His children he will send.
I'm grateful for being lost and confused. I'm thankful for my insanities. I'm happy that each of Heavenly Father's children are different and that it is more than okay to embrace the fact that EVERYONE is a genius at SOMETHING and NO ONE is a genius at NOTHING.
I struggled with the fact that I was the "dumb sister". Of course I had good grades, but how was it possible that she could enjoy learning about molecules and bacteria when all I could do was stare out of the window and doodle in my notebook? It didn't make sense. Did it make me slow, knowing that I would rather be in my pottery class, carving patterns into a bowl, than Introduction to Statistics? (I shudder at the thought.)
I skip to places because it gets me there faster than walking.
I stare at the wonder of the heavens every morning and evening because stars and clouds mesmerize me.
I wear flower patterns when I'm happy and black when I'm sad. Apples on good days, and Jamba Juice on the bad.
I sing opera songs when I wash the dishes. And I like it.
It was after the fact that I accepted my preferences of people to solidarity, fantasy to history, adventures to structure, that I finally accepted that I wouldn't be a veterinarian because seeing sad animals wrenched my very being to the point of tears and chocolate. I recognized that I didn't have my 10-year plan set out like Irina did, but I could try to figure things out along the way. At that moment, "figure it out" just had to be enough.
It was the moment that I discovered words that changed me. Carrying around a notebook wherever I went- just in case a thought came to mind that I had to write. Using my hands to write out the words, I expanded the lines into pictures. My pictures became images and feelings and those feelings came out in song. My feet heard the music and wanted to dance along.
It was beautiful. It is beautiful, the fact that Heavenly Father has given us the ability to be whatever it is that we want to be. I can be a mother if I CHOOSE to be. I can be a fighter and stand in SOLIDARITY. I can be a leader and SERVE those around me. I can be a lover, a sister, a worker, a friend. I can be it all, I can be nothing, it all depends on my goal at the end.
I'll stand today with my arms extended up high, striving to be my everything, and knowing that I am absolutely nothing without Him. He who carried his cross for me. He who lived his life perfectly. He who chuckles at my silly mistakes and forgives and forgets, just for my sake. He, my Savior, my very best friend. He knows my incompetence and yet to me His children he will send.
I'm grateful for being lost and confused. I'm thankful for my insanities. I'm happy that each of Heavenly Father's children are different and that it is more than okay to embrace the fact that EVERYONE is a genius at SOMETHING and NO ONE is a genius at NOTHING.
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