Diana Leaney López Ruano

My baby nephew Leonel Mateo died before he was two months old. It broke our hearts. When Nephi’s brothers and sisters-in-law lost their father, they “ mourned exceedingly ” and that led them to be angry at God for their sorrows and difficulties.  I’ve been trying to avoid that, but have been acting in the opposite extreme and have been avoiding mourning in general. I wish he didn’t have to leave. I treasured every moment I got to hold him.  Living with my sister and her family meant I got to hold baby Mateo in the precious moments when his parents needed to focus on other things.  Holding him was the purest, simplest joy my soul has felt.  Holding him meant that I was holding purity. Looking into his eyes taught me again and again that we don’t start at birth.  Burying him taught me that we don’t end at death. The members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints are imperfect and sometimes make stupid mistakes, but we hold on to the knowled...

Jeremy Barker.   Cancer .  February 25,  2009 Francisco López.   Cancer .  June 10,  2009 Tommy Moderno.   Suicide .  April 15,  2014 Francisco Garcia.   Cancer .  September 20,  2016 Of death,  loss,  pain and tears we have all had our fair share.  We have lost.  We have sinned.  We have been broken,  beaten,  and brought down to the deepest of despairs.  We have cried. Oh how we have cried.   Each year our trials increase in fierceness.  Each year we see the outcome of our actions.  Each year we see The Lord's hand in our lives and each year we face trials anew. THIS IS US!!!  Trying our hardest to walk tall each day.  Trying our best to move forward and overcome our pain yet sometimes,  all we can do is call our moms and tell them everything that sucks about life.  Sometimes all we can do is receive a hug,  s...

Whilst discussing things with my friend who recently moved to California she stated,   "I don't miss Utah ,  I miss the people in Utah."   That is what makes home a home ,  the people.  If I could have brought my family and close friends to ZhuZhou,  I wouldn't have much of a reason to return to Utah,  except maybe the sunsets. :)  I know what it is like to leave home.  I know what it is like to open the door to an empty apartment and silence.  I know what it is like to miss people,  to miss the companionship of someone that loves you and you love them.  That has been my favorite part about being able to walk into my mother's home these past few months;  opening the door and falling to the ground in an overly dramatic death scene because Bryan just shot me down with a fake weapon,  or Bella telling me that she missed me,  or Steven just walking by and giving me a one-armed hug with food in the other hand befor...