Diana Leaney López Ruano

I am dumbfounded by the change in every single aspect of my life. Discovering new things about myself that only someone lost and confused and trying to find their way in a huge foreign land could discover. Arrived in ZhuZhou a little over a week ago and each day holds so many new experiences that I feel that I have been here for much longer. Still getting over the culture shock so please don't find offense in what I write, I'm telling it how I see it. Every noise and smell, the words, the actions, the people, the weather- each a new adventure (some not as pleasant as others...) CULTURE SHOCK- WTFREAK?! One of the other foreign teachers in the city said that as long as you are aware of 2 things going in, you won't be as shocked when you get to China. Yup. Wish I had been aware of them before I came lol. #1: squat toilets. Yes, you heard me. Need I say more? Good, cuz I won't. XD #2: No Personal Space. Whatsoever. Its insane- there is absolutely...

Welcome! If you are reading this you may well know that I will be spending the next nine months in the Hunan Province of China. Yup. CHINA! Why you may ask? Would a twenty year old with a job, school, friends, family, everything in Utah get up and leave? Well we'll just have to discover that little by little. All I know is that I felt it was right for me to take up this English Teacher position. And so I have! Take a look into my thoughts and feelings as I fly halfway around the world on my new adventure:) Alone & without a lick of Mandarin in this brain of mine...! FROM SLC TO LA 12.22.11 @ 4:25PM (as we sit waiting for take-off) "Good bye my mountains... how I will miss thee..." "who on earth would fly to China alone?! Ay Dianita, what did you get yourself into?" (after take-off) So this is what heaven would look like. Flying. Above the clouds. Straight into the golden sunrise... Oh this was a gift in and of itself! Just the flight al...

LATIN DANCING is the only time when it is socially acceptable to forget about feminist rights and power struggles. When it is okay for her to obey every signal and request given without question or rebuttal. When a lady can JUST DANCE with a man… forgetting to be tough and independent for just a few moments… and letting him make her feel like, well, A WOMAN. –Diana Linay My brother asked me the other day why I liked to dance so much. I had to think for a moment to answer because dancing is so much more to me than merely "dancing" So much more because... *I am free to be whoever I want to be. Whether I am crazy and untamed or smooth and seductive I am -in that moment in time- exactly who I want to be. *Children dance about their houses without judgement or refrain and when I dance I could care less about what people are thinking of me. Just like a child I could GAD whether they think I lack skill or if they dislike my style. I do not dance for them- I d...

I push people away- far away- go away. My brother in law told me to give him a chance. Its just a date after all. Oh but its not. Its not just a date, its not just a chance. Its never "just". People always want more. Its human nature. Once you open the door a wedge- they just keep pushing and pushing until they are inside the room. I could sit here and say the famous line of all men are the same , but who am I kidding? The human race is all the same. We are picky and shallow. We are lazy and unwilling. We are selfish creatures- so why do we say certian things are INHUMANE when humans themselves lack love, compassion, and humanity? ...sometimes I lose faith in humanity.... But then I remember that although humanity has lost morals, lost respect, lost chivalry... there is still good in this world. There is still love and happiness. There are still good people out there, people that care without any thought of receiving something in turn. There are smiles and sunny days! ...

With so many thoughts spinning round and round. How to differentiate the sky from the ground? who is here to hurt me? who can i trust? where am i going? is it love or lust? I'm not one to know scientific reasons why. Or to change the world as the days pass by. I am nothing really, just a girl with a heart. That is slowly being ripped and torn apart. I dare not breath or step out of line. For fear you would deny me as one of thine. No more what-ifs or possibilities. No more want or need of these. Because if this is what I get for being who I am. I will strip away the smile, the heels, the glam. I discover now I have no need of these. For it is only you that I need to please. So take it from me and take it now. Force me to yield. Force me to bow. I will be exactly what you want me to be. Without a thought of ever being free.

I can't believe its really happening! I'm going to Hunan, China to teach English at a University! Is this possible? Is it for real? I can't believe I'm doing it, but I AM GOING TO CHINA!!! I'm so excited, scared, nervous, ecstatic! Farthest from Salt Lake I have been is Guatemala, which is far, but its not another continent! Longest time away from home have been the weeks attending girls camp and various vacations here and there, but it doesn't compare to ten months. Ten months! Ten months away from home, away from my mom and brothers and sisters. Ten months in a different culture, a different world! Ten months eating funky foods, learning customs and traditions from a people I know hardly anything about. Ten months fending for myself physically, spiritually, and emotionally. . . . ten months! But this is it, my adventure. I'll cherish these next ten months forever. I'll learn and grow and hopefully be a good teacher as w...

I keep looking over my shoulder to tell you something, but you are not there. I walk into your room and everything is just how you left it, as if it is waiting for you to come back. I am trying and trying to be happy for you, you just had the best day of your life! but i miss you. My darling older sister, we have gone through so very much together. I enjoy telling people that they messed up in heaven, that we were supposed to be twins. Yet you were sent to this earth 18 months before I and I can't think of anyone who is closer or has been a better example to me. You are starting a new adventure in this life. The greatest one I know. Together you and Sergio will face the world, with our Heavenly Father's guidance. Tita, I miss you already. I know you are only fifteen minutes away, but it feels like we are on different continents. What if I have another nightmare? I know its childish, but you have always been there for me... in the darkest times of my life you have been there. Th...

drive drive on keep going go on when you have to leave and drive and go go on keep driving unitl you can't anymore blast the music and roll the windows don't stop keep driving go as far as you can go and when you hit the end of the road don't stop keep drivng just turn around and come back home. remember that you will always have a home.

You know? I'm not exactly sure what love is.  I am yet to discover what Frankie meant by 'L is for the way you look at me'  However, I have discovered what it surely could not be... .. .  Love is not jealousy. Love is not owning someone. Love is not hating them if they are not with you. Love is not wanting them so badly that it hurts. No. I'm sure they have nothing to do with love. i don't think love is hesitancy. i don't think love is regret. i don't think love is tears. i don't think love is or fear. Definetly not those. They don't make any sense. Oh call me a dreamer, delusional, or fantasist... but I don't want to believe that love is any one of these things. How could they be? Maybe love is not having a someone for yourself... .. . but maybe its giving of yourself to that someone... .. . Maybe? Here i am, trying to figure it out. I may find out tomorrow, or it may take me a while. Trial and error seems like a better plan than none. ...

i'd imagine that getting your heart ripped out by an angry bear would feel something like this. like a stab, not straight through your heart...but your very core. upwards all the way through each organ and vein. ohh, the pain. it weakens me. slowly draining away...hope drips down my fingers...longing sliding down my leg...all my dreams leave. yet somehow i still breath. i thought death would come swiftly. figured there was nothing left for me here. since i couldn't have you...surely, surely life would not be so cruel as to keep me here. yet somehow i'm still breathing. s o m e h o w i a m s t i l l b r e a t h i n g

Public Friends of Friends Friends Friends except Acquaintances Only Me Custom Close Friends La Region See all lists... Family CoWorkers Zhuzhou Area Hunter High School Salt Lake Community College Salt Lake Community College The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints The University of Utah Creative Woodworks, Inc. Acquaintances Go Back random IM conversation w/ my buddy Andres! ANDY: so im writing but im kinda stuck wanna help? ME: go for it- ANDY: it's close to a new day and this one was pretty much like the one before and nothing new like the week before going thru the motions going thru the days like life was eternal forgetting that everyday gets me closer to the end.. and im just waiting for you to put the spice the difference in this endless circle called life am i ready? who knows we'll see ME: we'll see where i go, what i do, when we'll be we'll just see when there is color, i n this great grey sea ANDY: i l...

and then i saw it. *a hint of the past* a glimmer, a gleam, a glint of a something . . . * something? no, it couldn't be... because when i saw it, you were looking at me . maybe maybe -how still time seemed- but there is no way that could mean anything. nothing. no. negative captain. moving on. nothing to see here. i'll just keep on living, trying not to look again. trying not to see the nothing/something that maybe wasn't even there. maybe?

she ran to me. to my arms. wrapped her arms around my neck and shed a tear on my shoulder. when were the roles switched? i didn't receive a new script. no one gave my lines to follow or advice on how to become the provider, the caregiver. I was not sent to hair and make-up. Not even a heads-up, "hey, get your act together because we need more from you than what you can give" hey, your dad is leaving on september 15th... hey, your brothers and sisters are going to act out and cause utter mayhem..... hey, your going to fail all your classes....... hey, your going to be alone......... hey, your mom is going to need your shoulder to cry on........... hey, hey you. wake up and smell the roses because life sucks. ps: the roses are fake. ps. this sucks.

Where did that little girl go? Where is she? the one who knew who she was, and just how great she could be.... I found her once again today. She woke up inside me, wanting to play. How i wished there was room for just that, but no, not this grey day. She ran with me then. and oh how we ran! running and skipping and hopping away. Right into my mothers arms. where she whispered into our ears, " my dear, my love, it will all be okay..." Ever feel like you are a little kid playing dress up? In a grown up world that has no room for imagination or magic? - where disney princess stories are deceitful lies of nothing more than a deceiving idea of romance. - where 'taking a break' means 15 minutes. not a second more. - where decisions impact you for the rest of forever. and every day more and more decisions come your way. where all you can do is don your stilettos and hold your head up high. because there is no such thing as happ...

Public Friends of Friends Friends Friends except Acquaintances Only Me Custom Close Friends La Region See all lists... Family CoWorkers Zhuzhou Area Hunter High School Salt Lake Community College Salt Lake Community College The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints The University of Utah Creative Woodworks, Inc. Acquaintances Go Back We may not always understand why things don't go the way we planned We may not always understand ...why does it hurt so bad? ...why did he leave? ...why why  why me? We may not always understand ...until we see... UNTIL WE SEE GOD'S HAND.  Sometimes we don't understand why things happen the way they do.  We do not see our Heavenly fathers plan.  And so we must trust in him.  I need to trust that what I am going through is a blessing in disguise.  Someway.  Somehow.  Its all going to be okay. And for now thats enough. Trust.