Diana Leaney López Ruano

I've always wanted to be a mother.  Yes, I will never be hired by the Government because of my liberal views on this facist society, but I have also always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and raise children with my spouse.  After 4 years of ultrasounds, blood tests, different medicines, fertility treatments, surgery, a cancer scare, and so many procedures; we were finally pregnant. A baby! We were going to have a BABY and I got cravings for burgers and fruit and was so excited to be pregnant alongside my sister who was about 4 weeks ahead of us in her pregnancy. We were so happy.  When someone gets pregnant when they are older they have a higher chance of having twins and since we did IUI, it increases the chance of twins as well which seemed daunting, but exciting! Maybe twins, but definitively pregnant! Yay, maybe two BABIES! I had some cramping a few weeks in, but my beautiful wonderful husband has developed a needed habit of talking down my anxieties and we had faith that every

 Who am I, but one human who exists on a planet surrounded by heartbreak, war and pain. I wonder, who am I but a fragile green blowing in the wind, willing itself not to crack, hoping its roots hold for just a moment longer.  When I was younger, I would lose myself in an un-reality that spiraled until all sense of self was gone. Who am I? What am I? What is an "I". What is a being? Is being me real? What is reality? Time, space, imagination. Is anything physical? Is anything something?  I would question until my sense of self dissipated to nothing.  I am still struggling to figure out, at 32, who I am to be when I grow up. Nothing is as I planned as a teen. Nothing exists in the same way. Colonization and its global horrors have built a society that pushes normal humans down and keeps the rich in power.  As we know, I did everything I was meant to do. I did well in school, put myself through college while working, served a Christian mission, graduated, worked. I was an uncomp