Diana Leaney López Ruano

Some people go through trials to learn to be more humble.  Other people go through trials to learn to be stronger. Every time I take a Pottermore test to see which Hogwarts House I belong to I get Ravenclaw.  Each time I got the results the blue voice in my head would say, ”Nah.  You’re a Hufflepuff.” Hufflepuffs are great.  They are loyal and kind and helpful and good.  That is what I would tell myself as I denied the books and cleverness of a Ravenclaw and submitted to the humble honor of being a Hufflepuff. But that’s not who I am. Humility is not lowering yourself so that others can feel good about themselves. In the Japanese language there are many different levels of respect that one uses depending on who one is speaking to.  As a missionary we were instructed to use honorifics with everyone, even if we spoke to children.  Honestly, I don’t think Jesus would have used honorifics while speaking to children because their language skills are still developing, but the

I've had a chronic cough since January 2018.  Sometimes my prayers go, "Heavenly Father, please help me breath.  Please, I just want to breath." The first six months of this were suffocating.  I couldn't speak full sentences. I was putting people on mute every few words during calls at work.  I couldn't breath.  I had just started to hear myself laugh and sing again, but breathing is the first step towards laughing and singing so those things stopped.    In Japan I couldn't walk without pain.  My knees would hurt intensely after just thirty seconds of standing so I hobbled through my mission with pain in every step.  When my mission president asked me to extend my mission an extra month I looked down at my knee-braces as I tightrope-walked the curb of the sidewalk and immediately said yes.  My prayers changed at that point.  Instead of asking Heavenly Father to heal me I said, "If Thou knowest that I can serve Thee without legs, then go ahead, take t

I have been financially independent since I graduated high school at 16.  I have not asked my parents for money since then and even though I’m broke, the little I have is what I have created.   Being the daughter of immigrants has been tough.  As a first-generation American if I wanted an education I had to figure out how to pay for it on my own.  None of that, “My grandparents have money saved for my schooling.”  Or, “I’m on my parent’s insurance.”  Nah, my siblings and I don’t get that luxury.  We get to figure things out on our own.  The eight of us siblings take each other to doctor appointments, learn about mortgages, and deal with our crap together.   I’m grateful for my immigrant parents and the things that I have learned from my upbringing. The lack of groundwork and stability provided means I have become strong building my own foundation (yes, I can use power tools as well as the next Latino).  However, I am also acutely aware of the fact that my muscles seem to so

Most of my close friends have babies.  Its a thing.  The oldest of their children is nine.  The youngest less than a year.  Me?  I'm divorced and have no offspring.  Right, now that we've gotten that out of the way, let me tell you all about being a mom.  We are planning a girls trip cruise to Ensenada and I just sit in the background of the group chat waiting for my mom friends to find babysitters or sort things out with their husbands.  When asked for my opinion on dates my response is, "I don't have kids so you guys let me know what works for you and we'll do that." My schedule is wiiiiide open.  Including my nights.  I don't get woken up multiple times a night to comfort a hungry or grumpy child.  I can sleep, or stay up-  it is all on me.  (woot woot)  At my friend's kids' princess/prince birthday party I "borrowed" my niece in order to feel like I had a purpose to be there.  Her mom was there too so she basically ignored me,

This is what I needed God to tell me today. This is happening so that you can learn that you are enough.  This time.  This place.  This moment.  It was all designed so that you can learn that you are everything you need to be right now.  Nothing more, nothing less. Progress can be measured in so many ways.  My Daughter, know that I am God and that I know you.  Know that this too will be only a short while.  Your tears are ever flowing, but you're being molded into a deep river of powerful current that will not be stopped.  You do not know my plan for you. You just don't.  You don't know the grandeur of my plan, you only see what is in front of you.  Have I not shown you my love on so many occasions?  Have I not protected you, helped you, and comforted you when you needed it? Don't you know that I am here?  Don't you know that I am God?  Don't you see, see the joy that is to come if you just hold on a little while longer.  My daughter, I would never le

My baby nephew Leonel Mateo died before he was two months old. It broke our hearts. When Nephi’s brothers and sisters-in-law lost their father, they “ mourned exceedingly ” and that led them to be angry at God for their sorrows and difficulties.  I’ve been trying to avoid that, but have been acting in the opposite extreme and have been avoiding mourning in general. I wish he didn’t have to leave. I treasured every moment I got to hold him.  Living with my sister and her family meant I got to hold baby Mateo in the precious moments when his parents needed to focus on other things.  Holding him was the purest, simplest joy my soul has felt.  Holding him meant that I was holding purity. Looking into his eyes taught me again and again that we don’t start at birth.  Burying him taught me that we don’t end at death. The members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints are imperfect and sometimes make stupid mistakes, but we hold on to the knowledge that FAMILIES ARE FOR