Motherhood for a childless divorcee
Most of my close friends have babies. Its a thing. The oldest of their children is nine. The youngest less than a year. Me? I'm divorced and have no offspring. Right, now that we've gotten that out of the way, let me tell you all about being a mom.
We are planning a girls trip cruise to Ensenada and I just sit in the background of the group chat waiting for my mom friends to find babysitters or sort things out with their husbands. When asked for my opinion on dates my response is, "I don't have kids so you guys let me know what works for you and we'll do that."
My schedule is wiiiiide open. Including my nights. I don't get woken up multiple times a night to comfort a hungry or grumpy child. I can sleep, or stay up- it is all on me. (woot woot) At my friend's kids' princess/prince birthday party I "borrowed" my niece in order to feel like I had a purpose to be there. Her mom was there too so she basically ignored me, but I had someone to take pictures of and that's what matters, right?
My babies.
I used to volunteer as a youth leader at church (12-18year olds). Before that I was a child Sunday school teacher (7-9 year olds). Before that a youth Sunday School teacher (14-16 year olds). Before that I was an English teacher in China (3-17 year olds). Before that a child Sunday School teacher again (4-5 year olds). Not to mention wing the 2nd of 8 children, volunteering at elementary schools and being a college mentor for high school students. I love babies, kids, youth, and I'm honestly as baby hungry as it gets.
babies babies babies babies babies. Do you ever miss them? Those of you that don't have kids or aren't done having kids yet? Do you ever just feel like your children are nearby yet you miss their presence? I miss them. I hope to see them soon.
I don't have children here on earth, but I love the babies Heavenly Father has allowed me to care for. The years I have spent teaching and nurturing the kids are cherished to me. The moments when I get to see their love for me in their eyes and feel their trust in me when they ask me questions- iiiiittsss juuuuust soooo cuuuuute.
My ex-husband would tell me that I would be a horrible mother and that he would never have kids with me. That hurt more than his attacks on my mind and body because it was a blatant rejection of my divine purpose on this earth. What greater honor is there than being a loving parent? I'm tearing up at the memory of the pain. Not because I believe the lie, but because I know what motherhood is.
Motherhood is my sister cooking dinner for us on Monday nights and then leaving to sing Camila to sleep at bedtime. Motherhood is my Tia Brenda leaving her door unlocked so that any of us primos can walk inside whenever we need to feel at home. Motherhood is Lindsey de Leon texting me scriptures every day I was escaping hell. Motherhood is Gabby Rangel fulfilling her calling while working to provide for her three children. Motherhood is beautiful. I want to be a good mother.
I have so many beautiful examples of mothers in my life that I hope that my contribution to our Heavenly Parents' children these past twenty-seven years has helped someone out there feel loved.
I love you.
My love for you is not dependent on what you've done, who you've been, or who you are becoming. My love for you is there simply because you are a human being and so am I. All human beings want is to be loved.
President Nelson said it best, "Please note that anytime I use the word mother, I am not talking only about women who have given birth or adopted children in this life. I am speaking about all of our Heavenly Parents' adult daughters. Every woman is a mother by virtue of her eternal divine destiny."
So until the time comes for tiny humans that look like me, I get to practice divinity. Sometimes that's harder than it sounds (like during the last hour of my shift when all I want to do is get the heck out of the office), but I have a hope that is trying to be patient and right now that is good enough. I don't know God's plan for me, but I do know that I can keep loving others and working on loving His children.
Love,
A motherly childless divorcee
Maybe sometimes things happen for a reason. Maybe sometimes you can be a psycho! Maybe sometimes you can be a very good liar. Psychos do make the best liars to get people on their side... yeah you probably endured the torturous hell of a marriage that you were in. But I know for a fact that all of that and these things you write was a lie. If you want sympathy... you can’t have it. If you want love... stop lying and live the truth. Love ones are being plucked from this earth because of the hatred you have in your heart that you cannot forgive yourself and your ex. I have heard many stories and heard many truths. And this by far has been a roller coaster of emotional instability coming from your end. Do you think men will love you more because of the loveless marriage you were supposedly in? Or that you were in a supposedly abusive relationship? I don’t think so. To be honest... men will run the opposite direction because of all the shit you post and they don’t want to be another pawn in your miserable life story. Look at your last relationship... he couldn’t handle you! You should reflect on your life decisions and re-evaluate what it means to be a daughter of god. Does he want you to defame one of his sons? I think not. Does he want you to question his plan? I think not. If you want someone to love you and care for you then stop living in the past and reflecting on your ex no mentally stable man likes that and you might be childless for the rest of your life. So honey just move forward. Stop making it seem like you’re the victim when you are not! All the things you write in your blog makes it seem like he’s the victim. Because of all the recordings he has of your psychotic episode and conversations. What happens if those gets out and people know the truth and that you are defaming him when he and no other man deserves that. And that all the things you say here are of your own doing? Please reflect honey and better yourself and maybe one day your heart might not be so cold and that a man will see the woman he wants to be with for the rest of his life not as a fling. If you ever meet your new mans parents and they find that you write this type of shit I bet you they will tell him to run the other way. Look at your life now it’s miserable! You have done something wrong on your path.
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