One Year Wiser.

August 7, 2013

Day one of the mission.  Overwhelming.  Inspiring.  Motivating..  Humbling.  

Said goodbye to the familia,  didn't cry.  Its 10:25 and I'm exhausted-  too tired to really process the change,  but I'm sure it will hit.  Me siento motivada para trabajar duro.  So much to learn.  One thing is certain,  I love my companion.  

August 8, 2013

My companion sings Enchanted randomly.  I love her.  Watashi wa Feist Shimai ai shimashte.  

This has been slightly easier than expected-  only cried for 10 minutes last night.  My love for my District is growing and [so is] my desire to repent from all of the wrong,  to change my actions,  to change the way I think and make sure that everything is centered on Christ and sharing that message through me.  

The language is hard.  My pronunciation is fine,  but memorizing words and understanding grammar is a challenge-  we have our first lesson in Japanese tomorrow.  

Heavenly Father.  I'm sorry for who I have been.  I'm sorry for my faults and each time I decided to turn away from you.  

I have failed you in many ways,  but I am here and I am willing.  Help me to grow into the missionary you need me to be.  Help me to be loving and kind.  

Father.  I'm sorry.  I am now yours.  Please.  

One year ago I decided to give everything to my Father in Heaven.  I decided that everything I had been was gone and that I was a new person.  I chose then to serve with all of my heart,  might,  mind,  and strength.

I worked at it for seven months and when the time came,  I was ready to give it all.  I returned home so that I could keep becoming the person He intends me to be.



March 1, 2014

It was hard.  To tell Sister Barnes and Sister Foutz.  It was hard to see Elder Rockwood's face when I told him I was leaving.  

It was hard to decide with President Wada that I would return home and come back when the time is right.  

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  

I will be judged by the world,  but I know I can now stand before the world and allow the atonement to heal me.  

All is well.  


March 1, 2014

Almost all packed up.  Leave tomorrow night.  Peace.  Why do I feel peace?  
     -I know this is right.  
     -Hardest thing I'll ever have to do.  

Goodbye.  


March 2, 2014

At the airport.  Past emotions.  Said goodbye to my Sisters and The Wadas.  I understand what it is that I have to do.  I know who I am.  This is it.  The hardest and best months of my life.  

Oh Father I know this is the right thing to do.  

でも, わからない

Peace.  That is what is waiting for you if you chose to give it all.  None of us are perfect.  We all mess up and have to use the atonement to fix all of our broken pieces.  Jesus Christ said so himself:  "I came into the world not to call the righteous but sinners to repentance;  the whole need no physician,  but they that are sick."  (Moroni 8:8)

They that are sick.  How are you sick?  Is it your pain?  Is it your fear?  For me,  it was my past.  I needed Jesus Christ to heal my past so that I could move forward in faith.  I'm still working on it.  I'm still trying to be healed fully,  but I know the turmoil of one that is lost and I know the peace that comes when we choose to be found.


August 7, 2014

One year ago today I walked into the MTC.  Who knew everything that I would learn,  everything that I would endure?  Only God.  Looking back I think of who I was a year ago and I am proud to say that I am a different person today.  I have changed.  

These have been the hardest months of my life.  Yet they have been filled with the most peace,  most love,  most sun,  and the most happiness.  I can say that I am still struggling with my ineptitude,  but I know who I am.  That alone fills my heart with patience to endure.  

I went around the world for the second time.  The first time was to defend my faith,  the second to teach it.  I taught it to the best of my abilities and now I am here to apply it to myself.  I have decided who I want to be and I will keep moving forward into eternity.  

Each year I will recognize God's hand in my life.  He is my Creator,  He is my Father.  To Him I owe everything,  with my Savior,  I can give all that I have back.  

I chose to be healed by my physician and with that decision came so many blessings.  I know that my Heavenly Father love me.  I know that He also loves you.  One year ago I made the decision to change and I will continue to do so for the rest of forever.  I invite you to move forward into your eternity as well.



愛しています,
Diana Leaney López Ruano