Recovering from Yellow Fever.
Spending the past year in abroad has changed me. Its like everything that used to be normal, isn't normal anymore. I see things with a different perspective, different humor, different ideas and feelings. Yet some things never change. Its amazing how I see friends again and its as if no time has passed at all. We hug and things are right back to where they were. Family is still family. Friends are still friends. Home will always be home.
I didn't think I would miss China this much. Some days my heart yearns for what was. I've always been that person, the one that dwells on possibilities and dreams. Its nothing to me to sit for hours on end and forget myself in my own delusions and impossible notions. Yet here I am. Wondering and thinking and wishing for something more.
I guess I miss the sense of self I had in China. The independence of living alone and depending solely on myself for everything. Yet people are not supposed to be alone. I needed that time to grow up, discover myself a bit. For those days in ZhuZhou where I shaped my character and heart I am thankful. Ahh, but being home, here with my siblings and mother, has filled the empty void that had taken up half of my soul in ZhuZhou. How I missed bedtime prayers and hugs as soon as I came home from work.
It's weird now, knowing things won't go back to the way they were. The person I was before China won't be back, she's changed. She's discovered what it means to be strong for herself and no one else. I'm trying to figure out my place back here in the States, but I'll figure it out and I'll keep moving forward.
Allow me to answer some questions that everyone and their cousin has been asking me since I arrived back in the states.
How was China?
China was loud, stinky, beautiful, polluted, captivating, shiny, dirty, grey, overwhelming, amazing, inspiring, yummy, intimidating, sticky, growing, flashy, organized chaos.
Why did you go there in the first place?
I'm not really sure why I left to China in the first place. I was 20, done with my AS degree and still had a year to go before I could serve a mission. So I went to China. Being there really helped me decide if I really believed in my religion, if I was truly a member of The Church of Jesus Christ, of if I was just a part of the Utah culture of 'Mormonism'. I do believe and I can't wait until I go on my mission.
What weird foods did you eat?
Cat and dog are considered delicacies in Hunan, but I never plucked up the courage to eat either one. I did however eat frog. It was good, a bit chewier than chicken, but tasty. Eating noodles and rice for breakfast lunch and dinner got old, so it was always a treat when we went to a bigger city to have a real burger or pizza. mmmmmm. foreign food.
Did you fall in love?
Yes. Yes I did. And part of my heart will always belong to China.
What did you even do there?
I was a Foreign English Teacher at a private school. I worked mainly on the weekends and taught kids from 3-17 years old. During the rest of the week I would travel, spend time with my foreigner friends, dance around my apartment, eat, go clubbing, play pool, go to the beach, explore China, get lost in the city, write, draw, run, dance in the street with middle-aged Chinese people, go to the park, play the guitar, try to learn to speak 'proper English , skype my family, read, stalk friends and family on facebook, watch entire seasons of shows, shop and not find anything that fit me, take taxi and motorcycle rides, answer questions like 'are you sure you're not Chinese?', visit friends in different cities, learn mandarin, haggle with people at the market, live in China.
Did you see anyone do kung fu?
No, but in the mornings when I would go for a run, I would see little old Chinese men and women doing tai chi. It was legit.
Did you learn Chinese?
Enough to survive. I can order food and ask for directions, buy a train ticket and answer questions like 'where are you from?', but other than that no. I spent most of my time teaching English or speaking English with the 20 other foreigners in the City. Only really practiced Mandarin when I traveled or chatted with a taxi driver.
Would you go back?
I would go back to travel definitively. China is such a beautiful place and although I did travel a bunch, one will never see all China has to offer, its just that big:) However, I doubt I would go back to live there. It was hard to be a foreigner in a country so blocked off from the rest of the world. It was hard to find clothes that fit me, it was hard to work for the Chinese, it was hard to be so different. If I had known what I was getting myself into before I left, I doubt I would have gone. Now that I look back, I know it was the best experience of my life and wouldn't trade it for anything.
All the mistakes that I made. All of the nights I did not sleep. All of the tears I shed and moment when I thought my life would end. It was worth it.
WO AI NI ZHONG GUO.
I didn't think I would miss China this much. Some days my heart yearns for what was. I've always been that person, the one that dwells on possibilities and dreams. Its nothing to me to sit for hours on end and forget myself in my own delusions and impossible notions. Yet here I am. Wondering and thinking and wishing for something more.
I guess I miss the sense of self I had in China. The independence of living alone and depending solely on myself for everything. Yet people are not supposed to be alone. I needed that time to grow up, discover myself a bit. For those days in ZhuZhou where I shaped my character and heart I am thankful. Ahh, but being home, here with my siblings and mother, has filled the empty void that had taken up half of my soul in ZhuZhou. How I missed bedtime prayers and hugs as soon as I came home from work.
It's weird now, knowing things won't go back to the way they were. The person I was before China won't be back, she's changed. She's discovered what it means to be strong for herself and no one else. I'm trying to figure out my place back here in the States, but I'll figure it out and I'll keep moving forward.
Allow me to answer some questions that everyone and their cousin has been asking me since I arrived back in the states.
How was China?
China was loud, stinky, beautiful, polluted, captivating, shiny, dirty, grey, overwhelming, amazing, inspiring, yummy, intimidating, sticky, growing, flashy, organized chaos.
Why did you go there in the first place?
I'm not really sure why I left to China in the first place. I was 20, done with my AS degree and still had a year to go before I could serve a mission. So I went to China. Being there really helped me decide if I really believed in my religion, if I was truly a member of The Church of Jesus Christ, of if I was just a part of the Utah culture of 'Mormonism'. I do believe and I can't wait until I go on my mission.
What weird foods did you eat?
Cat and dog are considered delicacies in Hunan, but I never plucked up the courage to eat either one. I did however eat frog. It was good, a bit chewier than chicken, but tasty. Eating noodles and rice for breakfast lunch and dinner got old, so it was always a treat when we went to a bigger city to have a real burger or pizza. mmmmmm. foreign food.
Did you fall in love?
Yes. Yes I did. And part of my heart will always belong to China.
What did you even do there?
I was a Foreign English Teacher at a private school. I worked mainly on the weekends and taught kids from 3-17 years old. During the rest of the week I would travel, spend time with my foreigner friends, dance around my apartment, eat, go clubbing, play pool, go to the beach, explore China, get lost in the city, write, draw, run, dance in the street with middle-aged Chinese people, go to the park, play the guitar, try to learn to speak 'proper English , skype my family, read, stalk friends and family on facebook, watch entire seasons of shows, shop and not find anything that fit me, take taxi and motorcycle rides, answer questions like 'are you sure you're not Chinese?', visit friends in different cities, learn mandarin, haggle with people at the market, live in China.
Did you see anyone do kung fu?
No, but in the mornings when I would go for a run, I would see little old Chinese men and women doing tai chi. It was legit.
Did you learn Chinese?
Enough to survive. I can order food and ask for directions, buy a train ticket and answer questions like 'where are you from?', but other than that no. I spent most of my time teaching English or speaking English with the 20 other foreigners in the City. Only really practiced Mandarin when I traveled or chatted with a taxi driver.
Would you go back?
I would go back to travel definitively. China is such a beautiful place and although I did travel a bunch, one will never see all China has to offer, its just that big:) However, I doubt I would go back to live there. It was hard to be a foreigner in a country so blocked off from the rest of the world. It was hard to find clothes that fit me, it was hard to work for the Chinese, it was hard to be so different. If I had known what I was getting myself into before I left, I doubt I would have gone. Now that I look back, I know it was the best experience of my life and wouldn't trade it for anything.
All the mistakes that I made. All of the nights I did not sleep. All of the tears I shed and moment when I thought my life would end. It was worth it.
WO AI NI ZHONG GUO.
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