Ready to Serve
Ohh China.
I have my good days and my bad. I'm on month #4 at the moment, a third of the way done with my time here in ZhuZhou. It amazes me and yet I feel like I'm not where I'm supposed to be. I should have put in my mission papers already, it was all part of the plan. I should be getting ready to go out and serve the Lord for a year and a half... Yet I have seven more months to go in this city.
I guess I am preparing myself in a sense. I'm working on myself, discovering my weaknesses and strengths, building myself up in the good and hopefully getting rid of the bad. It has definitively been an emotional, mental, and spiritual workout here. I've learned to stand alone. I've learned that the only way to keep strong is to do the little things. When I pray I feel more at home then any other time. When I read my scriptures I remember all the lessons, all the classes, all the moments that have helped to build up my knowledge of the gospel. I've learned that I believe in the gospel more now then I have ever before. I see it. I feel it.
Sighhhhhhh. This time. Right here. Right now. A time I will never get back. I'm discovering so much about myself, developing habits that weren't there when I was in my happy little Utah bubble. It was easy then, to follow the words of leaders and good friends. Its so hard now, yet I know the path that I want. I know what I truly want in this life. Will China help me get there? My decisions and actions at this time will determine so much in the years to come. Am I doing all I can? I'm not perfect, so many things I regret already, yet each day is a new one. Another chance to redeem myself. sigh.
Each morning I wake up to horns honking and people yelling and I recognize that I am just one of millions and millions of people here on earth. Its actually really humbling. It amazes me to think that our Heavenly Father has a plan for each and every one of them. He knows us, He loves us. I keep thinking that I'm in China for a reason. I used to think it was to help others- a vain thought in and of itself. I'm not here for anyone else, how can I help others if I'm still so broken inside?
No, I see now that part of the reason why I'm here is to better my relationship with my Heavenly Father. Whatever time that remains here in ZhuZhou will be put to building myself up and preparing myself for whatever comes my way. I needed this, to help myself become stronger. I may be behind schedule, but when I do get to serve my mission I will be ready. Ready to serve.
I have my good days and my bad. I'm on month #4 at the moment, a third of the way done with my time here in ZhuZhou. It amazes me and yet I feel like I'm not where I'm supposed to be. I should have put in my mission papers already, it was all part of the plan. I should be getting ready to go out and serve the Lord for a year and a half... Yet I have seven more months to go in this city.
I guess I am preparing myself in a sense. I'm working on myself, discovering my weaknesses and strengths, building myself up in the good and hopefully getting rid of the bad. It has definitively been an emotional, mental, and spiritual workout here. I've learned to stand alone. I've learned that the only way to keep strong is to do the little things. When I pray I feel more at home then any other time. When I read my scriptures I remember all the lessons, all the classes, all the moments that have helped to build up my knowledge of the gospel. I've learned that I believe in the gospel more now then I have ever before. I see it. I feel it.
Sighhhhhhh. This time. Right here. Right now. A time I will never get back. I'm discovering so much about myself, developing habits that weren't there when I was in my happy little Utah bubble. It was easy then, to follow the words of leaders and good friends. Its so hard now, yet I know the path that I want. I know what I truly want in this life. Will China help me get there? My decisions and actions at this time will determine so much in the years to come. Am I doing all I can? I'm not perfect, so many things I regret already, yet each day is a new one. Another chance to redeem myself. sigh.
Each morning I wake up to horns honking and people yelling and I recognize that I am just one of millions and millions of people here on earth. Its actually really humbling. It amazes me to think that our Heavenly Father has a plan for each and every one of them. He knows us, He loves us. I keep thinking that I'm in China for a reason. I used to think it was to help others- a vain thought in and of itself. I'm not here for anyone else, how can I help others if I'm still so broken inside?
No, I see now that part of the reason why I'm here is to better my relationship with my Heavenly Father. Whatever time that remains here in ZhuZhou will be put to building myself up and preparing myself for whatever comes my way. I needed this, to help myself become stronger. I may be behind schedule, but when I do get to serve my mission I will be ready. Ready to serve.
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